Fear

By Taya Workum-Byers

This article received first place in the 2025 GMO Newsletter Awards for general interest articles for GMOs with 500+ members. It appeared in the Northern Ohio Dressage Association newsletter, NODA News, 2025, Issue 3.

Oxford’s Dictionary defines fear as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the be-lief that someone or something is dan-gerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”

Who wants to talk about fear? “raises hand” I’ll go first. I’m afraid to ride my young horse. Back story- On December 27th, 2024, my Clydesdale/Quarter Horse cross, Walter, bucked me off on the pavement causing me to break my pelvis. Now, it wasn’t as awful as that sounds- it wasn’t a bad break- just my “right inferior pubic ramus”- in horse-man’s terms, my right seat bone. I don’t know why he did it. We were about 50 feet from being back at the barn when he exploded. He had never done any-thing like this before. I nearly stayed on, but he got me forward and I came off over his right shoulder, landing on frozen concrete on my right hip. After taking inventory while lying on the ground, I got up, collected Walter (who had only gone about 10 feet away and was standing there looking ashamed), and limped up the driveway to the barn. I put him away, bitched and moaned to my fellow boarders, texted my husband what had happened, and drove home. I swallowed some ibuprophen, took a hot shower, and went to bed. The next morning found me extremely un-comfortable to say the least. I decided that, since there was no way I would be able to go to work the next day, that I should hit the ER and make sure nothing was really messed up. Well, I got crutches and 8 weeks off work! While not horrible (no surgery required), it was, without a doubt, one of the most painful injuries I had sustained. It’s amazing how many things are connected down there that you don’t know about until you damage it!

I did some ground work with Walter during the latter part of my time off and a couple of people hopped on once or twice so he did not sit idle the entire time I was off. The problem was, when I stood atop the mounting block to get on, I found myself not just fearful, but terrified. It was hard to admit, but there it was. I was afraid to ride my horse. Even after all of the times I had been bucked off, fallen off, whatever, I had NEVER been even the slightest bit hesitant about getting back on. Some of you may know me. Those who do would not be likely to describe me as someone that is fearful. On the contrary, I had the reputation as being willing to throw a leg over pretty much any horse and give it my best shot. This, of course, has led to injuries over my fifty plus years of riding- some fairly severe.

I cracked my L4 vertebra when I came off while mounting a horse from the ground. The horse didn’t approve of this maneuver and took off long before I was anywhere near getting my leg over. That one hurt- standing and sitting were not my favorite activities for quite a few weeks!

I broke my leg in three places after bail-ing off a police remount (young horse) in Florida because it was jump or get tossed. My mistake was trying to be cool and landing on my feet. I did stick the landing, but was on the ground sec-onds later because my leg was no longer up to the task of supporting me. I cruised around Orlando for 3 more days on crutches before flying home for surgery.

Then there was the 3yo that was actively attempting to unseat me. I was winning that encounter until he got me forward, then reared and smacked me in the face with the back of his head. Cracked cheekbone was that outcome. It’s a fairly thick bone and takes a bit of force to crack…

Next was my failed bucking horse. He tossed me several times- I attributed these unscheduled dismounts to my errors- there was always something I could have done differently. Would it have affected the outcome? No idea. Then came the day that he was exceptionally reactive for no apparent reason. Long story short, he ripped out of my hand and began bucking. I’m not as fast as I used to be so I only got partially out of the way. One of his back feet split my chin open from just below my lip to ¾ of an inch under my chin and broke my collarbone. Oh- and also gashed my left thumb- apparently I gotten a hand up quickly enough to slightly deflect the hoof. Lucky for me that I did- other-wise I likely would have gotten my jaw broken instead of my collarbone. Many, many stitches and about 8 weeks later, I was back at it. Well, I was back at it before then but please don’t tell my orthopedist! There have been other injuries, but I had always merely gone back to climbing on without a care.

This time is different. I don’t blame Walter- as we all know, things happen. That, however, doesn’t change the fact that I’m afraid. This is supposed to be the year of Walter for gosh sakes! I actually have time off to go to Small Horse Championships and have a small horse! The plan was to do NODA schooling shows at Intro level in both Classical and Western Dressage and go to Small Horse at Intro. But how can I do any of this if I’m scared?

Admitting it to both myself and my riding companions has been the first step. I never dreamed I would be telling peo-ple that I’m afraid to get on Walter, but here we are.

It isn’t helping that we moved barns and I currently don’t have an arena to ride in, but I’m convincing myself to at least get on and walk around on the driveway or in the pas-ture. The first time I got on at the new barn, he decided he didn’t want to go into the pasture and planted his feet. That was-n’t my plan so I gave him a couple kicks to remind him to go forward. That led to some bucks. Not gonna lie, I nearly jumped off. It took everything I had to grab the horn, sit up and tell him to whoa. He did (so glad that’s the first thing I teach- whoa means stand completely still, right here, right now-too bad I forgot this in December!). My friend, Jennifer, had meanwhile hopped off the horse she was riding to lend assistance if needed. Together, we got Walter to walk into the pen where we walked around for about 5 minutes. When I went to leave, as we were walking through the gate, his back feet slipped and he started to lunge forward. I about panicked, thinking he was going to start bucking. I yanked on his mouth and yelled whoa. To his credit, he stopped immediately, halfway through the gate. He then walked calmly forward and stood quietly for me to dismount.

It took a week for me to get on again. This time we had hauled to a nearby indoor. I decided to throw him on the longe line first, just in case. He walked and trotted, then threw his head up, took off bucking, and ripped the line out of my hand. I collected him and tried again. Same re-sult. Now I don’t use longing as a tool much with the youngsters so I figured I would go ahead and get on. You know what? We survived. All we did was walk and there were a lot of “you’re ok, buddy” comments from me- I’m not sure if I was trying to convince him or me!

Another week and we handwalked down the road to the park. I climbed on in the parking lot and we went for a short walk. Just before we were planning to turn around and head back, Walter planted his feet and said no. Well, he doesn’t get to decide when we are finished, so I asked him to step forward again. Cue the crowhops. This time, I didn’t contemplate getting off- WIN! He did eventually move forward and walk until I asked him to turn around.

Another week and we were back at the nearby arena. I don’t know what his issue was but there were bucks, a rear, and some bolting attempts. I stuck it out until he walked quietly, then I got off and into the roundpen we went. I cried about it later.

Before anyone asks, yes, his saddle fits, his teeth and feet are good, and he doesn’t seem to have any underlying physical is-sues. I think he’s just an opinionated 3yo!

I signed up for the May NODA schooling show. I’m hoping to have enough guts to actually ride in my classes, but we’ll have to see.

The point of all of this? Be kind. Fear is real and it is debilitating. Everyone is fighting a battle that you may know nothing about. That rider that is blocking your path on the rail may be scared out of her boots be-cause her horse took a step sideways. She may be quietly panicking because her pony spooked and jumped forward. The one that is doing Intro Level every. single. Show. may have a severe fear of cantering because she got hurt once and is trying to overcome.

Before I found fear, I had no patience for what I perceived as weakness. POWER THROUGH! was my mantra and that was fine. Until it wasn’t enough anymore. Seeing through glasses distorted by fear has changed the way I look at my riding.

For now, the tiny victories are enough. I hope, in time, to make it back to my former level of confidence, but, regard-less, I’ll be on the sidelines cheering you on while you fight your demons and together we will both be stronger.