We are celebrating Plus Size Riders as our July Featured Riders of the Month on YourDressage! Here, a Region 1 rider shares her journey on her self-made mare of a lifetime, while navigating major health issues, and completing her undergraduate degree!
By Chloe Abbajay
Two words that you often don’t hear in the equestrian world are “plus-size” and “disabled”. When you do hear them, it often comes with a negative connotation, said with a look of despair, disgust, or pity. What if I told you that some of the people who ride and compete right alongside of you use those two words to describe themselves? I used to be ashamed to have these words follow me, almost as if it was a burden to carry, but now I’ve come to realize that different doesn’t mean bad. In some ways, it has become my superpower.
I’ve always had a love for dressage. Jumping never came naturally to me, but I was lucky that my first horse instilled more confidence into me than I ever had in myself. From learning to trot and canter, to schooling Training level eventing, I spent countless hours with him from the time he came into my life until I was 16 years old. At that point, he had to be retired back to the wonderful people we bought him from, as his body was no longer comfortable with the demands of being a sport horse. My second horse, a big, beautiful, grey warmblood mare filled his shoes, and the next few months seemed perfect. As she was qualified to compete through Intermediate level eventing, she was not only a schoolmaster, but always gave me wonderful dressage tests and renewed the love of dressage I always had. Just shy of having her for six months, my world shattered as she very suddenly passed away due to a “freak infection,” as the vets at the equine hospital called it. It was also around this time I started having some unusual aches, pains, and infections, but they were never taken seriously by my doctors.
Jaguar Star, lovingly known as Tigger, entered my life at this rather turbulent time. I had just lost two horses, my trainer of five years and I had parted ways, and I felt like an unwanted outcast. I was never a thin rider, I had calves and thighs, and that just seemed to add to the feeling that I was never good enough to be in a sport where sizes often don’t go above a street size 10. Tigger was only five when I met her and, at this point, I was trying horses on my own, following a blind-feel so to speak. It was an instant connection from the time Tigger and I met, and I swear the mare with an old soul knew my broken one could be mended from her forgiving and kind nature. It wasn’t a shock to anyone when she came home with me shortly after, although I knew many who thought a sixteen-year-old shouldn’t be with a five-year-old Selle Francais cross chestnut mare.
As I had evented for the last five years and Tigger had done young event horse, as well as some horse trials, I started out training for that and doing low level events. Shortly after bringing her home, Tigger developed a bad case of cellulitis and needed the rest of the season off from jumping. After already having gone through many changes in the previous year, I was hesitant when my trainer at the time suggested we go to some dressage shows instead. I agreed, and you can imagine my shock when I brought her to a dressage show and won with mid-sixty scores, our first time out at First Level. I hadn’t even had time to practice the tests beforehand, yet we both felt at home. That will be a day I never forget because, not only did I decide right then and there that I wanted to ride dressage full-time, but I also felt a sense of belonging and pride that I had never felt before.
From there, Tigger and I had a very successful season at First Level, earning the First Level scores toward my USDF Bronze Medal, and capping 2019 off with a seventh-place finish at the Colonel Bengt Ljungquist Memorial Championships (BLMs) in the junior/young rider First Level division. As dressage was relatively new territory for me, I tried hard to seek out the best guidance I could. It wasn’t easy and we hit roadblocks, but Tigger and I just continued to become a better and better pair. While COVID-19 ruined the 2020 year for many, I dedicated the whole year to our training, learning how to sit the trot and developing her properly for Second Level. As I documented a lot of our journey on my Instagram, it always seemed like I couldn’t escape the comments about my size. I trudged on, ignoring the ringside whispers, instead using it for motivation. We debuted at Second Level in the summer of 2020, and not only did we win almost every class we entered, but we also consistently had scores in the mid-60s, allowing me to secure my Second Level scores towards my bronze medal. By the end of 2020, we were the strongest we had ever been, and I had my sights set on finishing my bronze medal in 2021, on my ‘self-made mare of a lifetime’.
The winter of 2021 rolled around and, after one lesson, I noticed a sharp and unrelenting pain on my left side. I was on winter break of my freshman year of college and didn’t think much of it initially. Unfortunately, I became very sick, very fast and ended up in the hospital alone (thanks COVID) for almost two weeks, as doctors rushed to figure out what was wrong. We eventually found out my gallbladder was about to rupture so, one emergency surgery later, I thought my problems were over. That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Just as I thought I had one problem solved, a new and bigger problem would arise. After two unexpected surgeries in early 2021, I made the hard decision to put Tigger into full-time training. Very few people had sat on her since she became mine a few years earlier, and having someone take over her training was one of the hardest decisions I’d ever had to make. While Tigger was taken care of and seemed happy, more curveballs continued to be thrown my way. In August of 2021 I had a major vascular surgery to save my left arm, as I had developed a rare vascular compression syndrome known as Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. My medical team, at this point, had told me to be prepared that I may never ride again due to the severity and complexity of my symptoms. I clung to a shred of undying hope, and when my trainer Facetimed me following that surgery, while I was still in the hospital, to show me that Tigger had debuted at Third Level and won high score honors, I was determined that I would not become a statistic. While the surgery was ultimately successful, I had major complications afterwards that led me to develop very unstable heart rates and blood pressures. I was diagnosed with more rare and complex medical conditions, which have only seemed to rack up over time. I did, however, finally have an explanation as to why I declined so fast. At the end of 2021, I was diagnosed with a genetic condition called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which affects my collagen. Since collagen makes up so much of the human body, it can have devastating consequences, as my collagen is faulty and not able to do its job properly.
I was hopeful 2022 would be a bit easier but, much to my disappointment, it was just as devastating as the previous year. I battled a life-threatening gastrointestinal infection for all of 2022, and was constantly in and out of hospitals. I had more surgeries, procedures, complications, and medical devices placed, all while being a sophomore and junior in college. The only thing that kept me sane was going out to the barn as much as possible, where I watched as Tigger flourished. I came to as many training rides and shows as I could, and had so much pride and gratitude as she successfully traversed Third and Fourth Level with her ears pricked forward. I never gave up on the idea of riding again and was still determined to finish earning my USDF Bronze Medal.
It’s the summer of 2023 now, and at the beginning of the year I was deemed medically stable enough to start to ride again. My trainer, who has supported me and Tigger through the last several years, allowed me to get my groove back on one of her horses, as Tigger continued to train and compete at Fourth Level. As I started to ride again, I had to navigate the process and feelings that come with being what society would consider disabled, while also living in a larger body. There have been many days where I wasn’t sure if I was worthy to be an equestrian. However, the outpouring of love, support, and opportunities I have received from my trainer, her trainer, others at my barn, fellow equestrians, and para riders have shown me that I do, in fact, belong. Having a different journey than others doesn’t make me any less, and surviving these last few years has allowed me to have a changed perspective on life.
While I am not at the point of competing yet, I still plan to finish earning the scores for my USDF Bronze Medal on Tigger, hopefully as soon as next year. She will be aiming to compete at Prix St. Georges in the fall with my trainer, while I continue to build my strength and stamina – both in and out of the saddle. Through it all, I was also able to stay in undergrad full time and will graduate with honors next spring. Then, I will be off to law school shortly after that. I hope my story of resilience serves as a reminder that no matter your size, your circumstances, or the labels that society will put on you, you are just as worthy and deserving as your other equestrian counterparts.
As we share the stories, struggles, and triumphs of plus size equestrians from across the country, our friends at SmartPak have graciously stepped forward to sponsor a giveaway!
