Managing Conflict at the Barn

A “no drama” environment benefits horses as well as their humans

By L. A. Berry

In the fall of 2022, when professional equestrian mediator and dispute consultant Alana Roberts was invited to give a presentation on conflict resolution at Equine Affaire in Massachusetts, the horse world was still navigating its way out of a pandemic quarantine that had ignited emotionally-charged upheaval at facilities over who could see their horses and when and why. Meanwhile, national TV audiences were following the courtroom trial of a high-profile US dressage trainer accused (and ultimately found not guilty by reason of insanity) of attempting to murder a woman who had been his student, boarder, and farm tenant.

This is not that story. But these are among the important touchstones that have driven Roberts’ passion for encouraging transparency, de-escalating conflict, and improving dialog among the humans whose horses are housed under a common roof.

Eggshells and Eavesdropping

“At one time or another, we have all been at one of those barns where we felt [as if we were] walking on eggshells,” says Roberts, whose conflict-resolution presentation to the New England Dressage Association was so successful that it earned her the invite to Equine Affaire, where she spoke on Techniques for Conflict Resolution, Best Practices for Preventing Disputes, and Client Communications: Managing Expectations. In those toxic environments, “we only do the bare minimum with our horse because we don’t want to stay long.” Sometimes just “hearing a certain car coming down a driveway leaves a sense of dread.”

Conflict at the barn needs to be addressed not only for your sake, but for your horse’s, says Roberts. She points to a 2014 University of Guelph study showing that horses recognize signs of stress or fear in humans in some circumstances. In 2018, researchers with the Mammal Vocal Communication and Cognition Group at the University of Sussex concluded that horses not only “eavesdrop” on emotional cues revealed by human facial expressions but also remember them, to guide future interactions with their people.

Conflict and Consequences

Roberts defines conflict as a disagreement or opposition between two parties resulting from differences in interests, values, opinions, or goals.

Differences of opinion can lead to miscommunication. Personality differences can compound incompatible goals. Stress and emotions can sour group dynamics.

“Communication matters in and around the barn,” says Roberts, “because a lack of it has consequences. For instance, unclear barn rules lead to unsafe behavior. Bad behavior leads to frustration and disagreements that can lead to further accidents or injury.”

Transparency, Consistency, Empathy

During the pandemic, Roberts identified three principles for communicating effectively with others at the barn: transparency, consistency, and empathy.

Communicating with transparency “helps mitigate the spread of rumors and misinformation, which can lead to confusion, panic, and unnecessary stress,” Roberts says. “Horses pick up on our stress. Clear, factual information prevents misunderstandings.”

Transparency requires clarity, which in the equine world means keeping in mind that family members and significant others may not be fluent in “horsespeak.” When sharing information or posting barn rules, keep wording to simple layman’s language. Better yet, suggests Roberts, consider incorporating graphics. “Everyone understands a stop sign, an arrow, a frown face. Just choose simple icons.”

Using graphics also helps to make messaging consistent and helps show empathy to those who may have learning or developmental differences. And Roberts has learned from younger people that “graphics in texts help convey ‘tone’—whether something is going to be a joke or a genuine remark.”

After you’ve crafted the message, “post everywhere,” Roberts says. “Post rules for wash stalls at every wash stall; rules for rings at every ring. They don’t need to be fancy. The important thing is that what is shared is seen and understood.”

Nip Drama in the Bud

What if clear rules aren’t enough? Roberts has a system for dialing down the drama if someone begins to disrupt the barn order.

She uses a green light/yellow light/red light “scale of escalation” to deal with conflicts and to enforce the rules. Enforcement, she stresses, must be consistent.

The process begins by scheduling a meeting with the violator to discuss—discreetly and confidentially—the violation and to give the person the opportunity to offer an explanation. Tailor consequences to the specific violation and its severity, with any mitigating factors taken into account. A minor first mistake might warrant a “green light” verbal warning. “Yellow light” issues, such as more serious or safety-related infractions, should be documented in writing. Unacceptable “red light” behavior warranting a liability risk should lead to a client termination letter, Roberts says.

Mind Your Language

“Good barn rules make good people,” says Roberts. She points out that “people notice how other barns [are] perceived. The horse world is a small world. If people see riders or students supporting each other, that speaks volumes about how they will see a barn and its instructors and programs.”

Today, that perception is likely to include what’s posted about the facility on social media and online. Roberts predicts that barn contracts may begin broadening their language regarding offsite/show grounds behavior: “We are a unique industry with a unique responsibility as a sport that serves kids and teens. I think that discussions about social-media clauses are going to start to be on the forefront.”

Such clauses may not be gag orders per se, she says, but they could potentially contain language advising clients to be “more mindful of how it [social media] affects a professional or amateur’s image” and outlining expectations regarding communications and conduct.

“It’s a nuanced balance between encouraging transparency and discussing privacy. There’s so much ground to cover,” she says.

Contracts: One Template Does Not Fit All

One of Roberts’ strongest pieces of advice regarding communication, contracts, and horse people is that one size does notfit all. Templates may be tempting when you’ve got 25 things on your barn to-do list and only 24 hours in a day, but they’re not the best solution, she says.

“Tailor each contract to each of your clients,” she advises. “What are the needs of your facility and riders? Avoid copying contracts. Every barn is different and will have different information necessary to provide,” such as local laws and regulations, staff and trainer availability, and facility-specific rules.

Make contracts as concise as possible. “Clients skim and miss important details,” Roberts says. “The sweet spot for keeping their attention is three to five pages.”

Two other forms Roberts advises keeping on hand are a Service Request, for clients to use to submit repair or other requests or inquiries; and a Change Request, the use of which puts in writing any requests for changes to boarding, training, or other services, along with space for the client to describe the reason for the request and how it might affect fees or schedules.

Barn Rules, Not Drama

A desire to keep all humans and equines safe drives most barn rules—which is why clear communication is paramount. And safety lapses, as we’ve discussed, lead to increased liability.

Do your barn rules need to be updated? If no one follows the rules or a preventable incident occurred, the answer is yes.

“Remember,” says Roberts, “it’s not your barn. We can all try to be better clients. No one is perfect. Mistakes happen. Ask for clarification or guidance before acting on an easily avoided misunderstanding. Unless it’s an emergency, communicate during barn hours. Be patient. Don’t expect a response right away. Leave a barn as you found it, and put everything used or borrowed in its proper place.”

Editor’s note: None of the above should be construed as professional legal advice. To learn more, visit Equestrian Mediation & Consulting on Facebook or e-mail Alana Roberts at arobertsadr@gmail.com.