We are celebrating Plus Size Riders as our July Featured Riders of the Month on YourDressage!
Here, a Region 8 rider shares her journey to navigate an EPM diagnosis, and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it, along with how she has not let naysayers about her being a plus size rider deter her from being the advocate her horse needs.
By Katie Rubino Hansen
I am a Region 8 Adult Amateur dressage rider, part of the GMO Western NY Dressage Association, and am from the Finger Lakes Region of upstate New York, with a prior history as an event rider. Levi is my unicorn…or rather, through a non-biased lens as his mother, he’s a 15-year-old unraced Thoroughbred, who we refer to as a “Levibred”, as there is absolutely nothing Thoroughbred about him. We are pretty sure he was switched at birth.
Levi and I both switched from eventing to dressage full time during the 2019 show season. Levi loves people and attention far more than he should, and knows full well how handsome he is. He is also especially fond of the mutant carrots his Grandma Hansen sends him from Long Island, 9lbs at a time (so spoiled). One of my absolute favorite things about him is how gentle and loving he is. My favorite personal thing to do with Levi is to read with him in his stall at horse shows; he loves to lay down and nap, and I’ll sit with him all day, and read whatever book I am reading at the moment.
Levi and I have a long history. We might be able to write a romance novel one day. I met him when he was five or six. He was owned by another rider at my barn, but I took care of him while she was out of town one time and was sunk. I took one look at him and it was love. Over the next year or so, I took every opportunity I had to spend time with him. I eventually moved on to another barn with my current horses, leaving my bud behind. A few years later, my childhood eventing superstar sadly passed away over the winter, from a stall accident. I thought maybe it was time for a break. Along came my wonderful husband, who saved riding for me. He knew I’d be out of my mind with boredom in a matter of days, so he said “what about that Levi horse?”. In the year I’d known my now-husband, I had no idea I had ever mentioned Levi to him, or at all, but apparently I did…A LOT.
Long story short, we reached out to Levi’s owner, and he was casually for sale. Levi came home a few weeks later, in the spring of 2017. I want to thank my husband’s wonderful mother, Karin, for leaving us the money when she passed in 2016 to bring Levi home. Without her, we would not have him. We miss you so much. So, I named him Emerald Bay – after her favorite Billy Joel song. It was everything I’d ever dreamed of, we went right to work and had a wonderful summer season eventing together.
EPM Rears Its Head
After several great seasons eventing, things changed. At an event in late 2018, Levi, uncharacteristically, melted down on cross country, causing me to withdraw. Over the next few months, we had some major behavior problems that just did not sit well with me. On New Year’s Day in 2019, I was at home, jumping a crossrail, when something happened and Levi exploded into a bucking and spinning fit (mind you he’s usually a lazy blob with meticulous behavior) and I fell, landing wrong and shattering my wrist. I knew something was very wrong at this point. I vetted Levi head to toe and ran every test I could, for the next year and a half, all while learning to trust him again. We came up empty handed.
In November of 2020, we finally hit the nail on the head. Levi tested VERY positive for Equine Protozoal Myeloencephalitis (EPM). I was so relieved to have finally found out what was wrong that it took days for me to realize… “Oh no, he has EPM. What am I going to do?”. We spent another year or so trying ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING there is for treating EPM (during the pandemic mind you, and dealing with all of the medication shortages). In December of 2021 we finally found his “fix”. At this point, Levi is testing chronic. He has two strains of EPM and our hopes to ever get a negative test are gone. Our goal now is maintenance and to help him thrive, despite the curse that is EPM.
For Levi, the course of ten tubes of paste treatment, for ten days, is his fix. It made him 99.9% himself again. I should also mention, he does not exhibit normal EPM signs. He passes all the balance tests, he’s not lame, and he isn’t wobbly at all. He gets worse during allergy season and winter, when, as they say, ‘the cold hurts your face’. His biggest issue is EXTREME sensitivity of his skin. He is always extremely itchy, extremely skin “pinchy” (for lack of a better phrase), and extremely static-y. He now wears fly gear, head to toe. Winter, when the cold hurts your skin, is horrible for him (I keep him overdressed in his Rambo blankets to help). He is very jumpy and reactive, so he very much appreciates my calm demeanor, and it’s something that’s essential for me when looking for his caretakers, professionals, and trainers. I sneeze and he’s in the next county.
His other main symptom is his body just freezing up. Some days, he just can’t move. It was to the point, prior to treatment, that he couldn’t walk out of his stall without 20 minutes of help. Now, after treatment, it’s a rare day where he can’t trot under saddle (it’s still worse in the winter). It’s also now very rare, and very random . In writing, it doesn’t seem like that big a deal, but with a horse that loves to please like Levi does, he was miserable, uncomfortable, frazzled, and occasionally explosive. He has relapsed once, about 14 months after finding his best management plan. We treated him the same way and he is back, better than ever.
In the last four months, I have seen the greatest improvement, but we made some big changes. Levi now lives outside 24/7, at a very small, calm, private farm. He goes out with his small herd of ponies during the day, and is alone at night. He has 24/7 hay and grass, including the alfalfa hay I filled my little suburban house’s garage with (my neighbors think I’m a real weirdo at this point). He eats a soy-free diet by the wonderful company Hygain Feeds. He gets nothing extra, except aloe vera juice, garlic, and ground flax. I found that all of the mass marketed supplements made things worse for Levi and were unnecessary, with the heavy forage and Hygain diet. He went from struggling to trot, in March, to schooling and showing Second and Third Levels, in less than a month.
Now, we are full steam ahead, reaching for our goals. The thing I love most about dressage is the building blocks from one test to another, one step leads to the next and the next, even if you can’t get every step 100% perfect. I let myself sit at First Level for years, trying to make everything perfect, because that is what I was told I needed to do to move up.
My advice is to know your horse’s limits, know his maxes. I know that Levi won’t ever do a perfect leg yield, or a flawless change, or be perfectly collected. I am perfectly fine with whatever it is that is his best, which he always gives me. I am also happier now, moving up the levels with him, because we are both having more fun with the harder tests and new goals. The best part is, even not being perfect, we are still putting in very respectable scores and slowly reaching our goals.
My favorite part of USDF is all the little award programs. The USDF Rider Medals of course, but also the Rider Achievement Awards, Adequan®/USDF All-Breeds Awards, and the ability to earn qualifying scores for the Great American/USDF Regional Championships and perform musical freestyles. There are so many different goals, paths, and opportunities within USDF, and I truly believe there is a reachable goal for everyone.
The Name
Last fall my favorite musical artist released a new album. Track after track hit home for me. In March of this year, my husband and I made the drive to Pittsburgh, to see Kelsea Ballerini’s Heart First Tour, and hear that album live. I heard the song “Subject to Change” live, and just knew it was meant to be. I can’t think of a better name to fit a horse navigating this disease and its instability. So it became official, I reintroduced Emerald Bay as Subject to Change…because he truly is Subject to Change.
A little unpredictable, I confess
Kelsea Ballerini – Subject to Change
That if one thing’s the same,
It’s that I’m subject to change
Dealing With EPM
Diet, training program, and lifestyle are everything for managing a horse with EPM. I have Levi on a very strict soy-free diet (shout out to HyGain Feeds and Chewy), and aloe vera juice, and fresh, unlimited alfalfa hay. The EPM magical supplements don’t work for severe cases (don’t shoot the messenger, just my opinion, I tried them all). Work your horse if they are cleared to do so. Make sure your horse is in the right environment. Levi, for example, thrived once switched to 24/7 pasture time at a small private farm (being brought in for bad weather), as waiting to be turned out in the morning was causing him emotional stress, and the small environment means less traffic and chaos, and more stability (stress = extra bad for EPM).
Horses also all stress differently. Levi LOVES to show, it’s not a trigger for him, but some other things that are stress relievers for most horses (like a nice trail ride) send him into a spiral of stress and upset. Know your individual horse and help them be who they are, not who you’d like them to be, or who the world thinks they should be.
There are always going to be people that tell you everything you are doing is wrong, that you are ruining their life, and you are the reason for everything that goes wrong. I get a lot of pushback over being Levi’s advocate, and standing up for what is best for him (people like to call this being difficult or having unrealistic expectations), but I won’t ever stop doing what he needs. I will go down with a bad reputation from people who don’t know me, gladly, if it means Levi lives the best life possible. Stand strong and be your horse’s advocate, because you are all they have… they can’t advocate for themselves with no thumbs or the ability to speak human.
I share Levi’s story, pretty publicly, the ups and the downs, as I feel it’s important to show your truth and to share, so maybe our story could help someone else. That being said, that can cause a lot of drama and misconceptions, but I accept that the people that really matter, know me and Levi and love us for who we are and the great things we do together. As long as you are a good person and do what is best for your horse (and yourself, we often forget ourselves), then to quote Taylor Swift “haters gonna hate, I’m just gonna shake it off”.
My advice for others, that haven’t gone through this specific experience, is to be empathetic to anyone you meet or see going through this. Not only is this a horrible thing for the horse, but their owner’s face an immense amount of stress, anxiety, responsibility, and heartbreak of their own. The worst thing to hear is “well any horse can die at any second” or “well every horse has issues”. Instead, give your friend, or stranger, a “you are doing a great job, he/she is so lucky to have you”. It goes a long way. Realistically, in any less-than-great situation, if what you have to say isn’t positive, then shh, don’t say anything, just don’t.
“We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful”
– Taylor Swift
EPM and Its Impact
These last few years have really influenced me as a rider and as a horse person. In 2020, I apprenticed to learn to be a farrier. At this time, shoeing Levi was a battle, he was so weak he couldn’t hold a leg up for more than a few seconds at a time, and it took me over an hour per foot to shoe him. I had to do one foot per day, for four days in a row. Normal farriers wouldn’t tolerate this, obviously, so I counted my blessings that I had taken the time to learn. After this, I went on to offer my services to friends and locals. At present time, I still do Levi’s feet myself and have about 40 other horses I work on, during weekends and evenings, all of whom are either rescues, elderly, or have a mom that is low income. This allows me to pay forward helping others that have a horse with challenges or financial restraints, while also helping fund Levi’s medical needs.
Having a horse like this has instilled incredible patience in me (something I didn’t used to have), compassion, and the ability to roll with the punches. It has also made me a different type of competitive. I am horrendously competitive, but I often have to withdraw, or scale back, or go easy on Levi at shows, due to his condition. I’ve learned to accept that, be competitive when the moment is right, and to be competitive with ourselves, not others. It has also influenced me to be a stronger person, to stand my ground, and to go with my gut. Every single test I get to ride is a victory of epic proportions, in my eyes, because the journey to get to the sandbox was epic.
Being a Plus Sized Dressage Rider
I have always been on the thicker side. When I hit my mid 20s, the family genetics hit me hard, along with some other health issues, and I officially moved into the plus sized category. I have never let that stop me and, to be honest, I forget mostly. I work hard to be fit and balanced, and ride my best, and I really don’t think my weight has mattered. To be fair, a lot of male riders that appear thin and fit, actually weigh more than I do. So, am I worried about my horse and my weight negatively affecting him? Not at all. Every person and every horse should be a match. There are many, many people that are too skinny and too small for my horse – him being a 17h, thick horse – who did more harm to him than I do, because they couldn’t reach the pedals, so to speak.
My advice is to make sure you are active, fit, and work hard. Ride horses that are size appropriate to you. I’m not talking only to plus sized riders when I say that though, I am talking to everyone! I know, to my fellow plus sized riders, that it can be hard to watch that perfectly dressed, perfectly thin rider, on a $100,000 horse, float by you, but you are just as wonderful for who you are and you deserve to be there, just as much.
Though it might not affect my riding, there are other ways being plus sized in the horse world does affect me.
Superficial reason coming, fair warning. Dress boot companies, I’m looking at you. I can’t find a pair of 17.5” calf dress boots with a front zipper, or a zipper that doesn’t break in just a few rides and that aren’t astronomically expensive to save my life. My wish is that the lower to mid-priced boot companies would expand their sizes, because we are waiting, with our wallets open. We are sick of our only option being junk or the $2000 custom boots we can’t afford. This issue can be found in a lot of clothing, but boots are my stand-out plus sized frustration.
I want to give a huge shout out to Kerrits and Smartpak, however, for their size inclusivity and range. Kerrit’s show coats are my go-to matchy-matchy; they are stretchy, affordable, and come in amazing colors (as shown in my pictures). Smartpak’s Piper Fusion breeches are my go-to as well, with a huge range of sizes, colors, and variety throughout their entire line, and they are affordable.
As with everything, the fat comments will come. They are heartbreaking, they are mean, and they are hard to overcome. Just know that the people that say those things are struggling with some form of insecurity or unhappiness themselves, and it is not a reflection of you, but of them. Carry on, and use your hard work and success to prove them wrong.
USDF does a great job to support their riders. What I would love to see in the future, as a rider with a horse with handicaps and as a plus sized rider, would be educational material that showcases riders of all sizes and horses of all facets. Maybe a division for horses with limitations?
So How Do These Two Things Tie Together You Ask?
Well, throughout all of Levi’s medical issues, the subject of whether I am the right rider for him has come up a few times. Mostly due to my size, but partially because some felt I enable and baby him too much. My response is that I am fit, balanced, dedicated, and Levi chose ME, and he continues to choose me. It is my opinion, and his fan club’s opinion, that he is best right here with me, chubbiness and all.
Levi gives me everything he has, every single day, and I will never stop doing the same thing for him. We get through the tough times, and celebrate the victories – together. There is nothing that could ever convince me to give up on a horse like him. This is what I love most about him and, when asked, what my friends and his fans all said. The most special thing about Levi is his never ending desire to please his mom and his people, and do his very best. He is always willing, always, no matter what.
It has been a long and hard road, but I feel we are at a point where we can celebrate where we are. EPM is three very scary letters, associated with stereotypes and a death sentence. We are here to show you, that doesn’t have to be true. It was not easy, but my determination to help my best friend kept me going. I learned to know when he “can’t today”, and accept those days. I will do anything I have to, in order to get him what he needs. The fight is worth it for your best friend. I’ve loved this horse since the day I laid eyes on him. After six years of calling him mine, of fighting on this journey with him, we are inseparable. Just about everyone involved in his life tells me how imprinted he is on me and attached; my husband likes to joke that if he were a person, I’d need a restraining order against him. That kind of love is the best “thank you” gift a mom could ask for, and I will forever be blessed to share my #LifeWithLevi.
I would like to thank the following people for being an essential part of our journey:
Finger Lakes Equine Practitioners (Dr. Hobson & Vet Assistant Hannah)
Patchwork Saddlery, Avon NY-saddler fitter
Instructors Carol, Agnes & Susan for all of your help
Levi’s landlord and my wonderful client that cares for, and lets Levi live and train, at her private home
My best friends, for always being there for us, especially Caitlyn.
Levi’s strong circle of cheerleaders and supporters
My husband, for making all my dreams come true, no matter how crazy they are.
Such a beautiful story, beautiful lady, beautiful horse, beautiful relationship – made me cry with love for them both.